Before I even begin writing this entry—before you read—I want to make it clear what this entry is. This blog entry is about a beautiful yet terribly challenging truth that I believe God is trying to teach me right now. I want this to be clear because this is not me preaching to any of you (although God may use it to speak to you, as well); this is me sharing just a little bit of what God is teaching me even as He breaks me. Molds me. Transforms me. Even as he lovingly takes me into His arms and whispers, “You’ve got it all wrong! Let me show you…”
“And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them…” (Luke 22:19 NIV)….In the original language, “he gave thanks” reads “eucharisteo.”….The root word of eucharisteo is charis,
meaning “grace.” Jesus took the break and saw it as grace and gave thanks. He took the break and knew it to be gift and gave thanks. But there is more….Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelops the Greek word for grace, charis. But it also holds its derivative, the Greek word chara, meaning “joy.”
Charis. Grace.
Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving.
Chara. Joy.
~Ann Voskamp pg. 32-33
I have been reading a book called One Thousand Gifts (2010) by Ann Voskamp for the second time through, and it has been completely transforming my perspective of what true trust in God is. What true thanksgiving is. You see, these first twenty-two years of my life, I have had a completely distorted view of what “thanksgiving to God” is. I have adopted this counterfeit version of thanksgiving and trust in God and made it my own. I’m not making sense yet, am I? Let me explain.
You know that beautiful verse in 1 Thessalonians? The one that says “…give thanks in all circumstances…”? I’ve always loved that one. I’ve thought, “It’s a challenge, but if I can find something to be able to thank God for— in even the most difficult of circumstances, I will be living thanksgiving and praise to God! If I can just focus on all of the good things in my life and bring them before God to give thanks, I will have reached full thanksgiving and I will find joy no matter what the circumstance!
But there is something wrong with this picture, and Voskamp came to this conclusion in her own life experiences: something is missing in this understanding of thanksgiving. Sometimes this is not enough. When you are facing a serious illness, when you are standing by the casket of a loved one, when your heart is all together breaking…sometimes dwelling on the good things around the bad situation is simply not enough. The “bad” is just….too bad! So what then? Do we just cling to the promises that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him” and try to go on our way in “trust”? To some extent, yes, but not quite the way you might think.
Voskamp discovers and suggests something bold. Something ridiculous. Something absurd.
We thank God for these things. (Um…what?!)
We thank God for the bad things? Doesn’t this go a little too far? Maybe not. The more I think about this, the more I pray about it, and the more I practice it, the more it makes sense…the more real it becomes to me.
In explaining the wrestling that she, herself, was having in a specific situation in her life, Voskamp shares the prayer that she prayed to God as He was slowly revealing this truth to her:
"Lord,…that I’d day after day after day greedily take what looks like it’s good from Your hand—a child gloating over sweet candy…but that I’d thrash wild to escape when what You give from Your hand feels bad—like gravel in the mouth. Oh, Father, forgive…Should I accept good from you, and not trouble?” (Job 2:10). pg. 94-95
Can we accept what God sends us as “good” even though we don’t understanding it? (The Israelites living on manna—this unknown substance—in the desert.) Do we truly believe that God is good? If we are not accepting everything that God sends as being good, maybe the answer is no.
So how do we reach the point of truly believing His good character? We begin to count the blessings. We start with the ones we can easily recognize as blessings and we press on from there. Voskamp challenges us to begin a One Thousand Gifts journal in which we number and name 1,000 different gifts from God seen in our every day lives. Sounds, smells, sights, material blessings, precious moments, etc. I have been doing this in recent months and the affect on my perspective and my heart has been amazing.
Voskamp provides the illustration of a bridge.
Can God be counted on? Count blessings and find out how many of His bridges have already held…Had I not trusted all these years because I had not counted?…Every time fear freezes and worry writhes, every time I surrender to stress, aren’t I advertising the unreliability of God?…But if I’m grateful to the Bridge Builder for the crossing of a million strong bridges, thankful for a million faithful moments, my life speaks my beliefs and I trust Him again. I fearlessly cross the next bridge.
Trust is the bridge from yesterday to tomorrow, built with planks of thanks. Remembering frames up gratitude. Gratitude lays out the planks of trust. I can walk the planks—from know to unknown—and know: He holds. pg. 151-152
So we count.
We name His blessings.
We let ourselves learn who He really is just by acknowledging His everyday faithfulness.
And then we are ready to give thanks for the hard, ugly, and difficult??
….oh, we are so close!
Voskamp takes what she has learned here, and takes us back to the beginning illustration of Jesus (so perfectly demonstrating hard eucharisteo) in order to apply this new trust in the Bridge Builder to the “hard”:
Because eucharisteo is how Jesus, at the Last Supper, showed us to transfigure all things—take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness. I have glimpsed it: This, the hard eucharisteo. The hard discipline to lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty. The hard discipline to give thanks for all things at all times because He is all good. The hard discipline to number the griefs as grace because as the surgeon would cut open my son’s finger to heal him, so God chooses to cut into my ungrateful heart to make me whole.
All is grace only because all can transfigure. pg. 101
I believe this. Well, I am learning to believe this… It is becoming more and more real to me. But the truth is that I am not yet to this point. I still hold fears. As I move toward the calling that I believe God is giving me, some big fears rise to the surface. In the years to come, I hope to live among the people with which I most desire to work and minister to. God willing, this means that I will likely be in a more remote and impoverished area…which may mean a more dangerous situation for me (humanly speaking). The following fears tend to rise to my mind: If I follow God to these parts of Guatemala, but I do not marry, am I just putting myself in unnecessary danger? White girls are already a target for many. If I put myself in a remote area with little in the area of protection, am I not asking for serious trouble?
And then I learn this lesson of eucharisteo that makes so much sense! (My Bridge Builder has been so faithful, so no matter what happens, I should be able to trust Him!) I am so close to grasping it but I think, “If the worst of these fears were to happen, would I still be able to come to God in thanksgiving and thank Him for the ugly-beautiful?” Let me go a step farter in my bluntness and honesty with you about my striving for hard eucharisteo…
If I am one day robbed of all I have, will I be able to give thanks?
If I loose a loved one, will I be able to give thanks?
If I am molested or raped,…will I be able to come before my Bridge Builder and give thanks?
All that ugly? All that hurt? Would I be able to?
Not being in that situation, it is hard for me to say. But I pray that I would! And in the meantime, I will count the blessings. My journal is at 712, but my heart has gone far beyond…every day, I am learning to count the blessings. I have been counting the beautiful blessings, and now I am learning to count the ugly-beautiful.
Every day, I will count.
I will count and I will grow in trust and love for my Bridge Builder.
…so that I am ready if and when the hardest of eucharisteo is necessary.
And I will let my faithful Bridge Builder lead me home… <3
