View from my roof last week
Okay, I wrote most of this when I was awake in the middle of the night a few nights ago, so it is a little bit scattered. But then…I am a little bit scattered these days. (: I did some touch-ups and updates just now, and I want to post this for those who have really been wanting the details on my start-up approach to my ministry here in San Pablo La Laguna. The details are here because it is a lot easier to share them all in an easily accessible post than to explain it again each time I talk to one of you.
I came here because I am now “prepared” and “qualified” to teach special education, and special education is not available here in San Pablo. I came here because I saw great levels of need, and I thought it would be a wonderful place to shine the light of Jesus. But have I led myself or others to believe that I, myself, have something to offer? Because the truth is that I do not. Really, my experience level in teaching is virtually zero. Even the training that I have received in special education has done nothing to prepare me for starting from scratch or for working with students who have never been in school before. My training did nothing to prepare me for working with kids who have never left their town and likely never will. Kids who speak a native tongue tied only to a few towns surrounding this lake in the middle of Guatemala. Truth be told, the thing in which I am most “qualified” is not even something that I can pretend I am truly qualified for.
So why am I here?
That is something with which I have really struggled, because, at times, I do not remember the answer. But I believe that, ultimately, I am here to be the love of Jesus. It is just hard to know what exactly that should look like as I begin this ministry, especially when I feel so very unqualified. But what I do know is that God put this town in my heart ever since I first came in January of 2013. What I do know is that I followed through with a degree in special education because I felt that it was a God-given passion. What I do know is that God uses his weak and broken children distorted by sin…but redeemed by His blood alone…to demonstrate His goodness and power and mercy. So I have no doubt that He can do His work through me. Or even around me, if need be…with me standing in contrast to His goodness and majesty and power. (And if that is how He intends to work, then so be it! But I hope He can use the “through me” approach.) (;
So I am here, and I am preparing to try to do this thing called “education” as I have been taught, but what I am realizing in this moment more than ever is this: I have a lot to learn. I am reading the book “When Helping Hurts” by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert because my friend, Joel, lent it me and recommended it. (I have heard so much about it the last few years but never actually read it.) One of the big points that the authors emphasize in this book is that we, in the United States, tend to have this god-like complex that says, “we have and so we will offer to those who do not”. We do this with finances, religion, medical knowledge, general knowledge, etc. It is not that we never have knowledge that needs to be shared--There are times when absolute Truth is involved or information and knowledge on a specific topic needs to be shared--But in regards to other things…we are not always right. I am not always right. Beyond that which can be found in the Word of God (and sometimes with things that have been scientifically proven), we cannot assume that we are right. But in my mind, I am so quick to jump to conclusions and judgments about the way things should be done.
In my particular case, I am applying this idea to education. I have been so frustrated about the educational system here in Guatemala. Throughout my observations in numerous schools, I have seen little be accomplished in the classroom as far as academics go and I have watched as schedules are so lenient that you can show up for class and find that the teacher had to go to the city so class is canceled. And that doesn’t even begin to cover my frustration for the “special education” classrooms I have seen where the kids do coloring pages and gluing of paper and nothing more. But while some of these frustrations are valid, I am realizing that I have taken it to an extreme in which I have lost respect for most teachers and most schools here in Guatemala. This in unhealthy. It is unhealthy because I am in a culture that still is not my own. I can’t see all that is going on beneath the surface. I mean, you teachers in the United States understand how many things are affecting your day-to-day handling of your classroom…and what frustration and challenges those things can produce! What all is affecting things here? I can’t know. I’m not saying that the common educational approach used here is all well and good just because there are things affecting them…but I am saying I should be a little slower to jump to judgments and much more willing to listen to the thoughts, ideas, challenges, and approaches of the teachers and families around me so that I can learn from them. Because, frankly, I have no idea.
I share all of this just so that you all know the things that I am working through and the approach with which I am approaching education. But as I learn how to do so, I want you all to know that I am indeed pursuing education as the means to love on these kids and point people to Jesus. Please know, I do not believe that an education itself is going to change the lives of these children. Because of the life circumstances here in San Pablo, it likely will not. However, I believe that God can change the lives of my students, and my goal in trying to provide them with an education is to help them reach their fullest personal potential that they have been given in Christ. God loves each and every one of them so very much, and He has a plan for their lives. By helping them achieve an education while loving on them and teaching them about God, I have the opportunity to help them understand their value in Christ and their purpose in Christ…to love and glorify Him! As they reach their personal potentials, they will do just that. (And my prayer is that this impact will spread beyond my students to their families and then to the community around them.) If I get to be even a little part of that process, I will consider it a joy!
But now, here I am…trying to prepare to begin working with kids, and I don’t even know where to start. In the beginning of living here in San Pablo, I was talking a lot with our friend, Mitchel, about how I might go about things. He then introduced me to the supervisor of all of the schools in this area (who happens to live just a few doors down from my house). This man, best intentioned, began telling me of all of the students that were in school that had special needs and how he would love for me to work with them in my house while they continued their enrollment in these other schools, enabling them to move up in grades. In the days following, I grew completely overwhelmed. I had wanted to come to San Pablo to help those kids who didn’t have the opportunity to go to school. But now I was hearing about all of these students that are in school but not moving forward because their teachers don’t know how to help them. Is that not just as harmful to those students as it is for those who cannot even attend classes? But as I continued to hear about more and more child who are needing help, I knew that there was no way that I could work with all of them and provide them with what they need. It would become just another classroom with general activities for everyone that didn’t address individual needs. At the best, it would be a good social environment where they knew they were loved…but I want more than that for them!
So I talked to my parents, and I spent a lot of time thinking and praying, and I decided that I needed to take a step back. I want to be able to dive in and do a lot quickly, but that could be the most harmful approach. I think that I need to take this slowly so that I can gain a little bit of experience while having room to breathe and do so.
Furthermore, as I am reading this book, When Helping Hurts, I am realizing how harmful it would be for me to swoop in and gather up all of the students with special needs and be the one providing all assistance to them. First of all, I am only one person, and I can only do so much on my own. But even more importantly, this town and some of the teachers of this town may have the gifts and talents and resources to be able to help many of these students move forward if only they were given the opportunity to recognize and develop those gifts. And then it wouldn’t be the North American girl swooping in to try to save the day…when in fact she actually has no idea what she is doing in this new town and culture and would surely do more harm than good.
With that in mind and still knowing that things are very much up in the air at this point, this is the approach that I am taking right now:
Next week, I will begin working with a few students three mornings a week. The first week, we are only doing 9:00am to 12:00pm; we see how things go and go from there! I have four children lined up to be my first students at this point. One is an almost nine year old who is deaf and has a seizure disorder and apparent severe learning disabilities. Another is a young girl with cerebral palsy who has twisted limbs and is confined to a wheelchair; she communicates verbally, but only in Tz’utujil, not Spanish…and yet she has a smile and joy that can light up any room. The third is a nine year old boy who is deaf, but as far as I can tell, has no cognitive delays. He is very excited to start, as he has never been to school before, but is one bright little guy with incredible potential. The fourth is a nine year old girl that I have not yet had the opportunity to meet. Her dad came to me asking for help because she is enrolled in school but learning very little and not moving up in grades. The plan is for her to continue in afternoon school but still join us at my house in the mornings. I will begin seeking out and accepting other students as time passes, but again…starting slowly. This will be a very casual start in which I will be doing lots of little activities to try to learn where my students are at emotionally, physically, intellectually, etc. Since these children have never been in school and I have never been a teacher beyond a student teacher setting, it is going to be a learning experience for us all, but I am excited about the opportunity!
Beyond these students, I am asking that those who are enrolled in school already continue in school for the time being, both for the reasons listed above and because I cannot offer all subjects that the schools have to offer. However, I will use the other two mornings of my week to visit the classrooms of teachers who have students with special needs and are asking for support. I will spend the earlier times simply observing in the classroom to see how the teacher interacts with the child, how the child engages in the class, and what is and is not working. In each case, I hope to be able to spend time talking with the teacher, the student, and the students’ family to learn from them what the student’s strengths are, as well as his/her interests and hobbies are, how he/she participates in activities at home and in the community, etc. Based on these observations and discussions with all involved, my hope is that the teacher, student, family, and I can form a plan of action for the next step. It could be me working with the teacher to help him find little ways to support the student directly in the classroom on a day-to-day basis so that the student can thrive without any outside help. It could be an arrangement that is made in which the student is pulled just for certain subject areas to provide additional support in areas of struggle. It could be that the child goes through the school day as usual but that I provide tutoring in specific subject areas in the afternoon. (School days are only half days in most schools here in Guatemala.) Or it could be than an entirely different plan is set in place.
So this will be the general approach that I start with here in the beginning. My hope is that as the year progresses, I will be able to increase the number of days that I am working with my students who are not in school. (I cannot start with five days a week, because I still do not know how of this is going to work with my schedule in the schools. Some students have morning classes, and some have afternoon classes. I need to determine how to best spread out my time based on which students are on which schedule.) However, I will need to be patient and just wait and see, evaluating and being proactive as I go. This is something that sounds absurd for the U.S. culture; I know this. But I am no longer in the U.S. culture, and it seems that this is going to be the best approach for now. As I learn what the children of this town are most needing and what the families and teachers are most accepting of, I will be able to better narrow down my approach and fill my schedule to the fullest. In the meantime, this is where I am!
On Tuesday, my brother, Jeremiah, and friend, Andi Brubaker, came to San Pablo to help me repaint the inside of my house. The walls have been rather gross ever since I moved in, but there was little for me to do about it. (If I scrubbed, the paint came off…but that would almost have been a better alternative.) Over Tuesday evening and all of Wednesday, we were able to get my kitchen, bedroom, and the garage/school room painted. The guys headed home by bus Thursday morning since Andi had to head back to the U.S. on Friday. But my friend, Joel, who is working here in San Pablo right now came and helped me finish the bathroom and pila area this afternoon. So I am proud to say…I have a clean and fresh looking house! J Now I get to begin transforming my garage into a classroom! My parents picked up some needed supplies for me in Guatemala City, and my dad dropped those things off on Tuesday when he dropped off Jeremiah and Andi. I am very excited to set up the room tomorrow! I think it will boost my excitement and motivation. I’ll be sure to get pictures to post the next time!
For my Christ following friends, I would ask you to please join me in prayer. I am completely inadequate and, in my opinion, very unprepared. However, God is more than enough! And if He brought me here, He surely has a plan for using my inadequacy for His glory! So please join me in praying that I cling tightly to Him and the power that is available to me as a child of the King. Pray also that I would keep my eyes and ears open to what God is doing and saying so that my decisions and approaches reflect only that. Pray for my first four students, Marta Delores, María, Jaris, and María ___ (I apologize, I cannot recall her second name), as well as the next few to come. And please pray that I would relax and enjoy doing that which God has given me a passion to do. I tend to tense up and put the pressure on myself in situations like this, but that is not only in direct opposition to what God desires, but it hurts my efforts more than anything else. Finally, pray that God is glorified here in my life and in my home. I want to radiate his love to my students, to their families, and to the town. And I want to learn to see Him radiating from my other brothers and sisters in Christ here in San Pablo, as we work together for one kingdom!
Thank you for reading my scatter-brained post! A strictly picture post will follow…probably on Sunday!
And another view from my roof one evening
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